Matagal ko na gusto magblog at magkwento ng mga random na bagay at ngayon lang talaga ko nagkatime. busyness?! haha hindi talaga.

Nwei, anlamig-lamig na talaga dito. madalas 8-10 degrees ang temp sa labas. tas pagdating ng gabi mas babagsak pa. Tinetest ko ang temperature sa quantity ng usok na lumalabas sa bibig ko.hehe Minsan kahit nakasara bibig ko, sa ilong naman lumalabas yung usok. Parang dragon lang! At mejo nahihirapan na din ako mafigure out kung sino ang mga nagyoyosi at sino ang hindi. Pano, lahat may usok na lumalabas sa bibig!

May bago akong church na inaattendan ngayon. Commonwealth Christian Fellowship or CCF. Nagoobserve pa lang ako at pinagppray ko pa ang kalooban ng Panginoon. Maliit lang sya na church, maliit ang congregation at napakaaccomodating ng mga tao at madaming pinoy kaya nakakatuwa. =) Last sunday, may lumapit sa'king babae tas kinamusta ko. Nasense ko nang pinoy sya kaya naman mejo naweirdohan akong nagiinglish-an kami. Tas bigla nyang tinanong, "Pinoy ka?" sabi ko "opo" tas sabi nya, "ay akala ko Chinese ka!" Huwaaaaaaaat?! e kaya naman pala nya ko ini-english!pangalawa na sya nagakala nito! anu beh! Hindi po ako Chinese! MALAKI PO ANG MATA KO!!!! Ako'y isang pinoy sa puso't diwa.wehehe

Nabili ko na pala ang dalawang bagay na nasa wishlist ko.hehe Gift ko na lang sila sa aking sarili. Yung black leather boots at pretty handy dandy notebook. Yung presyo ng boots, kasya pambili ng dalawang chucks! ba naman! pero di ko napigil. ang ganda nya!hehe Pers taym ko sya sinuot nung nagpunta kami sa isang workshop ng amo ko para sa isang kliyente (nagmaganda ever!haha) at hirap na hirap akong magsquat pag may kukunin dahil nagkakacrease ang boots! Yung notebook naman, purple sya. kulay pa lang nakita ko, kinuha ko na sya agad.hehe Ito ang tinatawag na impulsive shopping (na sobrang minsan ko talaga ginagawa!). So pwede nyo pa ibigay yung plane ticket ko sa pasko.haha

Nakakatawang, nakakatuwa at mejo mahirap pala ang malayo sa Pinas. Ang dami kong nalalaman na bagay at perspektibo.haha Pero syempre, amin-amin na lang yun.haha titigil na nga ako. Baka kung san pa mapunta toh. *wink*

Magbbaby-sit ulit ako mamaya. Sasamahan namin ng pinsan ko si Javina at ang bestfriend nya manood ng sine. Ang sine ay tungkol sa dagang gusto maging chef.hehe Ang saya nito, i get to do what I love (watch movies!weeeh!) for free and get paid at the same time!

Dahil malapit na ang Pasko, minabuti ko nang ibahagi sa inyo ang aking *Wishlist*. =D wala lang...sharing lang...just in case may mag magandang loob na magtupad ng aking ilang mumunting pangarap. *wink*

1. WWJD bracelet (pink or purple)
2. G-tech 0.3 and a purple fine tip jell pen
3. musical Christmas card
4. new pair(s) of jeans preferably "skinny" jeans
5. Issey miyake perfume
6. necklace with a simple silver cross pendant
7. Starbucks gift certificates
8. black leather boots (gift to self *wink*. cost a lot man! i could've bought two chuck taylors already! pero ok lng...i love my bootsies! =D))
9. original dvds of rent, i am sam, city of angels, charlie and the chocolate factory, my sassy girl, white chicks and heroes
10 digicam or better yet, DSLR (plus photography lessons. =) )
11. Any book(s) by Amy Carmichael
12. bible dictionary and commentary
13. study bible
14. pretty handy dandy notebook for my thougts(gift to self ulit.haha can't help it, it was soo pretty!)
15. New pair of Chuck Taylors (purple with lots of "holes")
16. plane ticket back to the Phil.
17. Bentley Car (Continental GT, Continental Flying Spur and/or Continental GTC model)
18. Volvo XC90 model
19. lovelife? (nyahahaha hindi counted.para kay Lord lang toh!)

simple lang naman sila di ba? lalo na yung 16-18...so you can focus on those. salamat! =D

I wasn't ok these past few days. That's probably the best way i could describe it. I was confused. I don't know where to go or what to do. There was a battle raging inside me and the circumstances around me certainly did not help. I was once again doubting and complaining and whining. I can't seem to hear God. I wanted to hear Him, but at the same time I was running away from Him.

I was hurting. My was heart was not only broken, it was shattered to little bits and pieces. I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I badly needed a hug. A big, warm, big bear hug. I knew that if somebody touched me and showed just a teeny bit of comfort, I would break down and cry. And nobody did. Because they probably didn't know. They can't see that my eyes were hazy and can't crinkle up into a smile.

I needed to talk to Someone. I needed a looong time alone with Him. I just want to run straight into His arms and sob like a little girl. I've been craving for a sanctuary, much like the Soularium in Panay Ave., or the Prayer Mountain in Antipolo, but I can't seem to find one. After being reminded that He is everywhere (and omniscient), I decided to go to the park after work. I could meet Him there just like the way we would talk in the UP Sunken Garden when I needed a special time out from things. But by the time I reached the park it was already too dark (eventhough it was only a few minutes before 5pm.). With a heavier heart, I decided to look around the shops in High Street hoping that somehow that would ease my burden. But of course, it didn't (plus the hodge podge of clothes in the shops started to give me a headache). I HAD to talk to Him. And then it hit me, I'll meet Him in my third home. So I went straight to Starbucks.

Back in the Phil, (and if I had enough moolah), I'd usually go to Starbucks if: I'm craving for coffee or a frap (almost always), if I have a headache, if i wanted to read in a quiet place, if I wanted to bond with someone, if I want banofee pie (almost always), if I wanted to do my QT there and sometimes, even for no apparent reason at all. A sip of their coffee (caramel macchiato and caramel frap tops the list! =)) plus the whole ambience instantly gives me a warm, comforting feeling. And God knew that I needed it once again this time. He really knows me too well. So He met with me there.

                                                                                                                                       

With God there with me, Starbucks became more than just a coffee shop last night...it was a sanctuary all in itself. =)

Oh Lord, I need You... I don't know what to do...please keep my eyes on You...

Lord, why is it so hard? Or am i the only one making everything complicated. I thought I had your Word, I was so sure it was your answer. But circumstances seem to tell me otherwise. People around me are pointing me to another direction.

I only need to know YOUR Word Lord. YOUR will. Where YOU want me to go. What YOU want me to do. And I'll follow. I won't have to worry about the how's and where's and the mountains that block the way, because YOU will always make away. Just like what you did with Moses when YOU told him to go to Pharoah to let the Israelites go. and it was YOU who hardened Pharoah's heart as well. Still YOU made a way. Just like how YOU parted the Red Sea and the Jordan River that YOUR people may cross and YOUR will be fulfilled.

But now, I'm really confused. Did I hear YOU incorrectly? I only want YOUR will Lord. Nothing else. All I want is YOU. May I hear YOU alone. Pacify my heart O God. Direct my path. Guide me with YOUR light. Lead me by the hand. Lead me in ways everlasting.

Artist: Casting Crowns
Álbum: Casting Crowns
Title: Voice Of Truth


Oh,what I would do
To have the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand


But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win,
you'll never win."

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armour
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the stone was just the right size
to take the giant down
And the waves don't seem so high
when I'm standing on top of them looking down
And I'd soar with the wings of eagles
if I could just ignore the sound
Of the waves and the giants,
the waves and the giants in my mind

Lord, you've not given me a spirit of fear
But of power and of love,
and of a sound mind
So from now on,
I won't let the tempter's lies
turn my eyes away from the prize

That you have set before me.

That you have set before me.

Minsan, pag hindi mo alam ang sasabihin...o
kung paano sabihin ang gusto mong sabihin...
o wala ka lang mapagsabihan...daanin mo na lang sa kanta....

Concrete Girl - Switchfoot

Bleeding thoughts
Cracking boulder
Don't fall over
Fake your laughter
Burn the tear
Sing it louder,
Twist and shout

Way up here
We stand on shoulders
Growing colder
Laugh or cry
I won't mind
Sing it louder,
Twist and shout

Immovable shadows
Concrete girl
They'll rock your world
To nothing
And they're swimming
Around again, again
And they're swimming
Around again, again
And they're swimming
Around the concrete girl

Catch your breath
Like four leaf clover
Hand it over

Scream to no one
Take your time
Sing it louder,
Twist and shout

Nothing to run from
Is worse than something
And all your fears
Of nothing
And they're swimming around
Again, again
And they're swimming around
The concrete girl

Concrete girl
Don't fall down
In this broken world
Around you
Concrete girl
Don't fall down
Don't fall down
My cocnrete girl

Don't stop thinking
Don't stop feeling

One step away
From where we were
And one step back
To nothing
And we're standing on top
Of our hopes and fears
And we're fighting for words now
Concrete girl
And we're swimming around
Again, again
And we're swimming around now
Concrete girl

The Lord steered me towards another direction sometime this august... Though I wasn't really aware of it. All I knew is that I suddenly had this desire in my heart for it.too. But as I prayed and waited for the answer, somehow, I already created a bias towards the other thing that I felt the Lord had for me. I thought all things pointed to that direction...but I thought wrong.

The Lord ever so gently spoke and told me that no, it wasn't it. That in reality, I had actually wanted it because of the benefits that it had for me. That somehow I was able to fool myself that I didn't really want it. But I did... It's funny how we could fool ourselves and not even know it. That was why I was so surprised that the Lord actually had something else for me. He had something else in mind.

Kaya naman para talaga kong na-Wow Mali...

Pero hindi sya yung tipong nakaka-asar na wow-mali. Sya yung nakakatuwang klase. Why? Because the Lord made me realise that it was it was really it that I had in my heart all along. But because I had so fooled myself into believing that everything pointed to that other direction, (and the Lord made me realise that it was because that other thing was the answer that I wanted to hear that was why I kept on asking for more confirmation), I hadn't realised that my heart has been longing for another and that the Lord has already given me an answer. But all it took was the Word of God (at konting batok through ate jam...hehe), for me to see that yes, the Lord has answered my prayer of many years.

"The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart." -Romans 10:8/Deut 30:14 TNIV

Sometimes, we expect for God to reveal His will for us in great ways and wonders...but much like how He did with Elijah, the Lord came to me in a gentle whisper. =) And it gave me an overwhelming peace. You know what's amazing, it is also here in the will of God, that the deepest desires of my heart would be met. I think this is where Jeremiah 29:11 and Ps 37:4 meet. =)

I feel like Abraham and Sarah now, when God gave them a calling, a promise, a word, a vision to hold on to... and yet they surely didn't know how it would come to pass...

But then, all it took was faith.

"Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed, and was delivered of a child when she was past age, because she judged him faithful who had promised." - Hebrews 11:11 KJV

Tinawagan ko si Barbie Ganda kahapon, Sabado. Sya kasi ang pinaka hindi ko pa nakakausap since umalis ako kaya naman talagang nireserve ko ang isang card for her.

Pareho kaming tuwang-tuwa nang marinig namin ang boses ng isa't-isa. Sabi ko sa kanya (na usual kong sinasabi sa mga nakakausap ko...) "Isipin na lang natin na kunwari, nasa gilid lang ulit tayo ng lib..." Dun ko kasi madalas sila i-"date" nung nasa esbi pa ko. Ayun, syempre, kwento galore. Kinamusta ko ang acads, lovelife, esbi life at iba pa ni Ganda at nagkwento din ako ng mga pinagdaanan ko dito at mga tinuturo sa'kin ng Panginoon. Sobrang nakakabless madinig kung paano siya nagstep up as a leader and as an ate at kung paano kumikilos ang Panginoon sa buhay nya at ng esbi. Si Lord din talaga nagorchestrate ng phonecall at usap namin dahil sabi nya, kailangan daw nya ng ate ngayon...kaya siguro ako pinatawag ni Lord.hehe

Side kwento, tinext ako ni Jo nung isang gabi at sinabing nabasa nya daw sa logbook ng exec yung sharing namin nung April 17 at ang sabi ko daw ay, "I praise God for the tears and suffering that will come soon..." Nagulat ako sa text na yun...di ko na kasi maalalang sinabi ko yun. at narebuke din ako dahil ang dami kong times na nagreklamo kay Lord dahil sa sakit at hirap na pinagdaanan ko dito. And now, again, only by the grace of God, masasabi ko na ulit na "I praise God for every pain that pierced my heart and every tear that fell from my eyes for I know He will use it for His glory!" And He did! Sa usap namin ni Ganda at sa pagkkwento ko ng mga pinagdaanan ko dito, God used them to speak to her and to encourage her. Nahiya nga ako kay ganda kasi feeling ko ang daldal ko na kasi salita ako ng salita.hehe (pero sabi nya tahimik daw talaga sya madaldal sa phone,kesa sa personal lang.hehe) But God did not speak only to ganda, but to me as well... As I was talking to her, pinaalala sa'kin ni Lord lahat ng pinagdaanan ko at mga tinuro Nya sa'kin at sobra kong naoverwhelm kung gaano nga naging ka-gracious sa akin ng Panginoon at kung gaano ako naging ka-ungrateful at kapasaway na anak sa kanya...and yet, He still loves me. Amazing Grace!

Ang lungkot nga lang kasi naputol usap namin (bakit kasi one hour lang yung phonecard!). After ng usap namin, nagsink in ulit sa'kin kung gaano ko sobrang namimiss alagaan ang mga alaga ko. Namimiss ko na sila kausapin ng live at mayakap ng totoo. Namimiss ko na yung prayer times namin. Namimiss ko na sila. period. Pero tulad ng sabi ng "leaving song" by stephen speaks (na tinext sa'kin ni ganda after ng usap namin at kanta nya daw sa'kin yun.hehe), there's reason for space. And no matter how difficult, I can't help but say amen to that.

Mga mahal ko, may purpose ang Panginoon kung bakit nilayo Nya ako sa inyo. He's after our character more than our comfort di ba? And I thank Him for that! And if being far away from you is the only way God will be able to accomplish His purposes in your and my life, if it's the only way for us to get to know Him personally and to worship Him more deeply, then my joy is greater than the longing in my heart. Indeed, we were created to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.

My prayer for all of you is that you would find joy in partaking in the suffering of Christ, peace only in the arms of the Almighty and love fully and wonderfully  displayed and embodied in the Cross. May your eyes focus on and your heart beat solely for our Creator, Redeemer, Healer, Comforter, Bestfriend, Saviour and Lord. He loves you. Never ever forget that, wherever you are, whoever you're with, whatever your situation is, hold on and rejoice in the truth of the Lord's unfailing love for us!

Individual shout-out:

Ganda: bakit ka mahiyain sa phone?hehe I am blessed to see the ganda who was once so afraid to lead a DPM, is now leading a team, secretary of esbi and mother to two of our sisters. Do not be afraid to lay before the Lord the deepest desires and fears of your heart ganda. Trust that you can entrust your heart to Him. =)

Jhoi: namimiss na kita!! salamat sa mga update mo sa'kin lalo na tungkol sa mga birthday ng mga tao.hehe I am so proud of you UPCC head! May continue to bloom where the Lord plants you.

Bcel: may kailangan pa ba ko sabihin sayo? alam mo na naman ata lahat e....haha I am so blessed to have you as my sister. As I told you before, I will always praise the Lord that I came to know you during my early years as a Christian. I treasure in my heart the prayers that we uttered, the praises that we sang and the tears that we cried together. You are and i think will always be, my killer. =P Do not be afraid to open your heart. (lakas daw ng loob ko magsalita! muhahahaha) =)

Sarah: Beb ko!!!! You will always be my sweet little star! Thank you and I miss your sweetness! May the Lord bless your heart *wink* and may you continue to shine and be light to many many people. Be like the star who led the Magi to our Saviour. =)

Blessie and Met: I consider you as one dahil forever kayong magkasama!haha To the pretty ladies of the street after ours, thank you for making me feel so loved. I praise the Lord for allowing me to witness your growth and I know that He has so much more in store for you not only in esbi but to the ends of the earth. May you allow our God to break you that He may continue to mold you as beautiful vessels of His love and grace.

Jana: (Banana...sorry i can't help but add this...hehe) Dear, alam kong pagod na pagod at basag na basag ka ngayon dahil sa iyong acads...Hang in there. =) Hayaan mo lang magpakitang gilas si Lord through your acads at sa lahat ng aspeto ng iyong buhay. I am so blessed to know that you're leading an advanced FG already! May you continue to pour out your heart in everything you do, keeping in mind that you are serving your Lord and not men. =)

Giachi: I miss your noise! I miss your sweetness!!! I know you too are going through a lot... May the Lord be your strength. May you continue to seek the Lord's perfect will for you. May you delight in obeying the Lord and may people be drawn to Christ through your vibrant spirit. Ate ka na. =)

Ruthie: Anak, I am so blessed to hear how you are handling your situation. I praise the Lord for your strong faith and trust in Him. I miss our prayer times anak. I can't help but be joyful and be sad at the same time remembering our very loooong discipleship times. I am at a loss for words now. Haaay...Nak, I pray, as in 1Peter, that your beauty would not simply come from outward adornment, but from a gentle and quiet spirit that is pleasing to God.

Jo: Many times I want to regret that you only became my daughter very few months before I was to leave...but as we always say, God has perfect timing for everything. =) That is why I praise Him for giving you to me not only as a sister in Christ, but as a daughter. I miss you nak... I am always encouraged remembering your genlteness and how you find joy in the simplest of things. Thank you for everything nak. May you continue to find beauty in everything for truly, they reflect our Lord's grandeur. Continue to love anak, do not give way to fear. =)

Sabi nga ni ate mutya, We are what we are to each other because of grace. Thank you Lord for your grace! Sa inyo at sa lahat ng mga naging alaga ko, mahal na mahal ko kayo! thank you for sharing your lives and hearts to me. Thank you for making me feel so loved. Thank you for allowing me na maging malaking pampam sa mga buhay nyo. =) Nalulungkot ako kasi wala ako jan to hug you and hear your stories first hand. But i send you my love through prayers.. and I am joyful and at peace knowing that we are all secure underneath the Everlasting Arms. =)

Leaving Song by Stephen Speaks

And everytime I think of you
I'll remember all the goodtimes that we've had
And everytime I sing this tune
I will laugh, I will cry, I will close my eyes
Cause I know that it won't be long

Until we sing, we will write
We will laugh away the night
And the good times will never end
When we meet again

And I'm gonna be somewhat lonely
cause you know no one could ever fill your shoes
As iron sharpens iron you have thought me how to be a stronger (wo)man
And I look forward to the day I learn again

We will sing, we will write
We will laugh away the night
And I know that it won't be long
Until we meet again

Though I wish that I were with you now
I know there's a reason for a space
I can dream of memories you're writing down
And I look forward to that day
And the smile on your face

We will sing, we will write
We might cry and we might fight
And the good times will never end
We will laugh, we'll relax, we'll reflect on the years we've past
And I know that it won't be long, until we meet again

And everytime I think of you

Got this from RG, who got this from Kuya Drew. =) hmm..mukha bang totoo?

Your Personality Cluster is Extraverted Sensing

You are: A true admirer of beauty and art Someone who seeks out variety and adventure Not interested in status or material wealth Able to act wisely without stopping to think

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Your Career Type: Social

You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy. Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems. You would make an excellent: Counselor - Dental Hygienist - Librarian Nurse - Parole Officer - Personal Trainer Physical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.

You Should Play the Drums

You are often hyper, restless, and full of a little too much zeal. However, people may be surprised to know that you can focus your energy well. You are driven and engaged enough to be a great drummer... and you have the stamina to practice for hours. In fact, when you can channel your energy productively, it only increases! You are independent and spirited... but also consistent. You can definitely keep the beat. You work well in a group and contribute heartily - without needing to take the lead. Your dominant personality characteristic: your aggression Your secondary personality characteristic: your precision